CANDI POET - Art Therapy for an Anxious Poet

Just One Night...

2012-02-12T18:42:00.000-08:00

Joan River's act consisted of her telling us how when she turned 70 she decided to only perform to people she wants to perform for. Therefore the following people have to leave. She would mention her un-PC reasons for one group and then promise that she would just say a few more things and then "I'll get to the show." She told us she was almost to the show up until five minutes to the end and it got a big laugh every time. I liked the Michael Jackson jokes. Why do we get quiet and protective about the pedophile? She joked that she wished she had a son and then mocked a cajoling conversation where she tells him, "It's just one night and then Disneyland forever."

I also liked it when she joked that Moses was a close friend of hers after doing an impression of Betty White having sex with Moses. So, yeah, she's still got it.

No no no no no no not Whitney too

2012-02-12T10:01:00.001-08:00

Day 4 -- No Suicidal Thoughts or Flashbacks

2012-02-12T09:49:00.000-08:00

That's right. This is the start of day 4. I've slept without nightmares and I haven't had visual flashes in my mind of myself hanging from the garage rafters or the silver handrails above my bathtub. I had one flashback this week. Wednesday night I flashed back to my neighbor forcing me to perform oral sex on him while he told me I was disgusting and that I would never go to Heaven. He might be right but not for the same reasons.

Today is also Day 368 of not being in contact with my parents or brother. This is not a milestone to celebrate really. It just happens to fall around Valentine's Day. Or as Sunny vehemently reminds me: "Day of the Love!!!" This is what she yells if I start fighting with Pat for a week before or after Valentine's. It's a lot of pressure to not yell at my husband for that long. Who can I yell at? I usually use the T.V. for venting my steam--helps to have a lot of Republicans saying things about how poor people should just roll over and take it.

from my grandparents in 1979

Sunny's off school tomorrow so we will be rolling up our pink sleeves and writing 23 valentines for her class. Luckily I found my childhood valentine making kit a while back. It has many cardboard hearts for tracing and construction paper in red, pink or white. I used the same kit every year and it somehow manages to break my actual heart to see the pencil tracings from young Candi's hand and the holes left by past hearts cut out and given away to small boys without a crush on me. The valentines I received said things like, "To a really weird redhead I know...Jason" Or "To a crazy girl in my class...Mikey."

Sunny's First Publised Photo Credits

2012-02-10T18:49:00.001-08:00

Tailgate Party

2012-02-10T11:35:00.001-08:00

Oh Yes It's Ladies' Night...Oh What a Night

2012-02-09T16:59:00.000-08:00

Tonight my man and I are going to the casino to see Joan Rivers do a stand-up show! I'm as happy as Pee Wee looks.

Iced Gargoyle Recipe

2012-02-09T09:13:00.000-08:00

AP Photo/Keystone/Alessandro Della Bella

Take gargoyle. Add ice.

My My My Ma-ma-ma-donna, Whoo!

2012-02-08T10:41:00.000-08:00

Madonna portrait in Elmer's glue, glitter and Sharpies by Candi

If You Need To, Get On Your Hands and Knees

2012-02-08T10:38:00.000-08:00

SUNNY'S SUPER SECRET SPY TIPS:

Oh Micky You're So Fine

2012-02-08T10:28:00.000-08:00

Court overturns Prop. 8 in California, says state can’t ban gay marriage

2012-02-07T12:09:00.000-08:00

By Liz Goodwin | The LookoutThe 9th Circuit Court in California struck down the state's voter-passed ban on gay marriage, ruling 2-1 that it violates the rights of gay Californians.

"Proposition 8 serves no purpose, and has no effect, other than to lessen the status and human dignity of gays and lesbians in California, and to officially reclassify their relationships and families as inferior to those of opposite-sex couples," Judge Reinhardt wrote in the decision. The Court concludes that the law violates the 14th Amendment rights of gay couples to equal protection under the law. Gay marriage will still not be allowed in the state, leaving time for Prop 8 defenders to challenge the decision.

The Circuit Court backed up District Judge Judge Vaughn Walker, who ruled in August of 2010 that the state of California has no "rational basis" to single out gay men and women as ineligible for marriage. The group fighting for Proposition 8, which passed in 2008 after thousands of gay couples had already married, appealed Walker's decision arguing that it should be vacated because Walker is gay and has a long-time same-sex partner. The 9th Circuit Court judges denied this motion.

Walker's sweeping 2010 decision was called a "grand slam" by gay rights advocates, who hoped it would convince the Supreme Court to decide that states cannot outlaw gay marriage. But Reinhardt was explicit in his decision that his court's decision is "narrow" and only relates to California, not to the entire nation. In California, gay people had the right to marry for several months before it was taken away from them by a majority of voters. This amounts to a violation of equal protection because a right was specifically taken away from a minority group, Reinhardt writes. But this argument would not apply to gay people in other states. "It's a strong decision but it is not the ringing endorsement of broader marriage equality that some might have hoped for," Hunter College professor and gay rights advocate Kenneth Sherrill said.

Ted Olson, the former U.S. Solicitor General under George W. Bush who represents the plaintiffs, said at a press conference that the decision is the first step to ending discrimination. "Today we are more American because of this decision," he said.

The pro-Prop. 8 camp has said it will appeal the decision. The group can now ask that all 11 members of the 9th Circuit hear their case, instead of just the panel of three who decided against them on Tuesday. "Today's ruling finally clears the field for an appeal to the United States Supreme Court, where we are confident we will be victorious," the Save Prop 8 campaign said in a statement.

I'm Melting Crayons Because I Can

2012-02-07T09:49:00.000-08:00

Wrappers removed and lined up.

I tied some hemp string onto the pencil and taped up the bottom of the cardboard tube so I can pour in the melted crayons and create a smooth top to the candle.

I included some coffee beans in with the crayon wax for interesting texture and a toasty aroma.

Now I'm going to sculpt this candle into a kind of fertility goddess with curves and big boobs like the Venus of Willendorf. Because I can.

Don't Tell Me A Woman Did This To You

2012-02-07T09:37:00.000-08:00

"Dragon"
by Tori Amos

illustrator John Alcorn

Don't tell me
A woman did this to you
Candy lies
Candy lies
Candy lies

You touched my hand
I felt a force
You called it dark
But now I'm not so sure

Just stay awhile
Stay awhile
Stay awhile

Why don't you
Stay awhile
Stay awhile

Stay awhile

Cause your wild card Boy needs playing
Don't believe the lie
Your Dragon needs slaying
Won't you lay here with me
And I will bring
Kisses for the beast

Lay here with me
Here with me

Don't tell me
A woman did this to you
Candy lies
Candy lies
Candy lies

When I look back over
Documents and pages
Ancient savageries

Christened those inflated.
Now it has come to light
The Gods they have slipped up

They forgot about the power
Of a woman's love
Just stay a while
Stay awhile

Stay awhile
Why don't you
Stay awhile
Stay awhile

Stay awhile
Cause your wild card Boy needs playing
Don't believe the lie
Your Dragon needs slaying

Won't you lay here with me
And I will bring
Kisses for the beast
Lay here with me
Here with me

Don't tell me
A woman did this to you

Candy lies
Candy lies
Candy lies
Candy lies
Forgive my
Candy lies

Waiting for the Pills I Take to Stay Happy

2012-02-06T16:53:00.000-08:00

The pharmacy was nice enough to send over a delivery boy with my anti-anxiety meds. I am now 45 minutes into worrying that he will rape and kill me and Sunny when he gets here. If he doesn't I'll give him a nice $5 tip.


"Of course no one's going to rape and kill you and Sunny! Don't be such a drama queen." No? Well, I'll just sit very still with my butt clenched just to be sure.

The Anxious Surfer and Belarussian Pensioners

2012-02-06T11:32:00.000-08:00


Surfers can be sad too. This was a while ago, as you can see by my skinniness and short hair. But when I drive behind a car with a surfboard on top I think that person must be much happier than me. Because I work from the premise that I'm a piece of shit always.

Today I didn't go surfing but I did go to the gym to slay the dragon of my anxiety. There were some strange people on the machines but I tuned them out and tried not to think of all the bacteria I must surely be absorbing.

Here I am going to the gym. I'm the one with the red bag and two different gloves. [These are actually Belarussian pensioners: REUTERS/Vasily Fedosenko photographer]

I've Been Saved by Madonna

2012-02-05T18:48:00.001-08:00

Kandi's Kolacky -- Bohemian Tarts

2012-02-05T17:51:00.000-08:00

Some of these Bohemian Tarts were brazen enough to get burned. But I saved the best ones by cutting off the bottoms and slathering them cream-puff style with vanilla custard.

Let me be clear, these are better than cream puffs. The lemon zest gives this dessert pastry an intrigue. The cinnamon creates that cozy reaction of sinking into a bathtub. Sunny voted no way and didn't eat hers. But Pat and I were very satisfied with our Super Bowl snack.

It took about five hours to complete these tarts and thank goodness. Except for my overblown startle response I spent that five hours not focusing on my neurotic self-doubt. The day started right out of the gate with a nervous breakdown. Sounds dramatic and it was. I wept bitterly and said, "I'm losing, I'm losing! I'm doing it all wrong!" My new medicine is certainly not working just yet. I tell myself, "Hold tight Baby Candy." Ten days of hell then maybe some relief from flashbacks, nightmares and the long days of my broken heart.

I was a bit flummoxed by the phrase "and let it become light." Let it become light. I just hear it like some totally inaccessible Wallace Stevens poem. I'll be chewing that line much longer than I was chewing the Bohemian tarts.

Nip off small balls of dough? How exactly does a Bohemian nip? And an editorial note for Stella Standard, the author of Our Daily Bread, it might be good to include how long it takes to whip the egg whites and a more precise description for the small nipped-off balls. I would suggest ping-pong ball size so that the kolacky don't burn. Definitely check them at 15 minutes to avoid burning the bottoms like I did.

Have Fun and Always Flush the Toilet

2012-02-05T14:56:00.000-08:00

Everett's Beatle Boots

2012-02-04T09:42:00.000-08:00

I Googled myself and found my beloved Grandpa Everett. This is my favorite version of him with his funny Abe Lincoln beard and bolo tie. He's also wearing leather Beatle boots with zippers.

Everett Beason
Feb. 17, 1915 - Aug. 11, 2007
Everett Beason, 92, of Anderson, passed away Aug. 11, 2007, at ManorCare Nursing Home, following an extended illness.

He was born Feb. 17, 1915, in Geneva, Neb., the son of Eddie and Martha Beason.
He was a veteran who served his country in the U.S. Navy.
For 36 years, he was employed by General Motors in Anderson; retiring in 1979.
He attended Park Place Church of God. [no he didn't. It was West Anderson Church of God] He was an avid bowler. [This is more than an understatement. He also played competitive horseshoes.]

These Biscuits Are Made For Walking

2012-02-04T09:02:00.000-08:00

Biscuits made with shredded carrots, sliced almonds, ginger and cinnamon. Butter and Lemon Lift tea. This makes me happy.

My Daily Bread -- Boule de Poilane or Pain de Campagne

2012-02-04T08:57:00.000-08:00

Secret Muslim Bread

Looks like a potato but tastes like toasty heaven. If there was a heaven. Which there is not. Sigh. But there is bread on earth.


1970 blurb from first page: Stella Standard's eight cookbooks on vegetables, fruits, whole grain and other subjects have become classics in their fields. Her Whole Grain Cookery, a book commissioned by Pearl Buck, received the gold award at the International Exhibition in Frankfurt, Germany.

Lenny Bruce is Not Afraid

2012-02-04T08:40:00.000-08:00

I'm waiting for you to be happier. I've got time. Go ahead and make some bread.

Pasta Adventures with the Anxious Chef

2012-02-03T11:35:00.000-08:00

She's Learning to Tune Out and Turn On

2012-02-03T11:18:00.000-08:00

A Veloceraptor [sic] is a Carnivore

2012-02-02T22:01:00.000-08:00


by Sunny age 8

She Puts Up A Good Fight

2012-02-02T15:00:00.000-08:00

The Center Does Not Hold, Man

2012-02-02T10:47:00.000-08:00

not perfect, she says with a sigh

I Am CASTASPELLA! -- tribute to a redhead superhero from She-Re

2012-02-02T10:34:00.000-08:00

Mitt Romney is Not Concerned

2012-02-01T09:55:00.000-08:00

Romney 'Not Concerned About the Very Poor'

By Z. Byron Wolf | ABC News – 40 mins ago

GOP front-runner Mitt Romney said this morning that he's not concerned about the plight of the country's very poor because there are social safety nets that take care of them.

"I'm in this race because I care about Americans," Romney told CNN's Soledad O'Brien this morning after his resounding victory in Florida on Tuesday. "I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there. If it needs repair, I'll fix it."

"I'm not concerned about the very rich, they're doing just fine. I'm concerned about the very heart of the America, the 90, 95 percent of Americans who right now are struggling and I'll continue to take that message across the nation."

The CNN anchor pressed Romney: "You just said I'm not concerned about the very poor because they have a safety net. And I think there are lots of very poor Americans who are struggling who would say that sounds odd. Can you explain that?"

"Well, you had to finish the sentence, Soledad," said Romney. "I said I'm not concerned about the very poor that have the safety net, but if it has holes in it, I will repair them…The - the challenge right now - we will hear from the Democrat Party, the plight of the poor, and - and there's no question, it's not good being poor and we have a safety net to help those that are very poor. But my campaign is focused on middle income Americans. My campaign - you can choose where to focus. You can focus on the rich. That's not my focus. You can focus on the very poor. That's not my focus. My focus is on middle income Americans, retirees living on social security, people who cannot find work, folks who have kids that are getting ready to go to college. That - these are the people who've been most badly hurt during the Obama years."

To My Therapist...Aunt Barbara Has A Message For You

2012-02-01T09:51:00.000-08:00

Fools In Love -- Gooch and Lenny Bruce

2012-02-01T09:42:00.000-08:00

Everything Will Be Fine

2012-01-31T10:32:00.000-08:00

Safe Place With Curly Bamboo

2012-01-30T15:57:00.001-08:00

My new lair.

Happy Meal Toys Can Make Your Kids Happy--for a while

2012-01-30T15:56:00.000-08:00

And now back to this.

Life in A Life

2012-01-30T08:56:00.000-08:00

The Side Effects Are Suicidal Thoughts and Nightmares

2012-01-30T08:54:00.000-08:00

Too Sad For Words. Here are Some Circles Instead.

2012-01-29T09:14:00.000-08:00

Your Paranoia Will Destroya

2012-01-28T10:49:00.000-08:00

She Knows What She Knows and I Can't Take That Away

2012-01-28T10:47:00.000-08:00

This is What We Do When We Are Blue

2012-01-27T16:19:00.001-08:00

Can I Park My Unicorn Out Front?

2012-01-27T16:16:00.000-08:00


I'm here, Christy. Would you like me to make some tea and a bowl of fruit?

Geraldine Blake After an enameled bas-relief by Armand Point (1860-1932) reproduced from A Book of Unicorns from The Green Tiger Press Compiled by Welleran Poltarnees 1978

Little Candi's Sticker Collection

2012-01-27T13:42:00.000-08:00

I remember getting this homemade Spanish churchy sticker at a summer campmeeting of the Church of God from a strangely adult-seeming young girl recently back in Indiana from South America where her parents were missionaries.

Scratch 'n' Sniff

This was my favorite page.

Mel Brooks and Miss Piggy

2012-01-27T11:29:00.001-08:00

It Turns Out Teachers Are Not Perfect

2012-01-26T15:31:00.000-08:00

Sunny's teacher told her that an apology wasn't enough to make up for hurting her friend's feelings today. I have to say that I very respectfully disagree. Sunny's heart was broken after school because she knew that she really can't do anything but offer her apology. I mean, really, beyond some strangely contrived act of attrition--like writing a book about dinosaurs and dedicating it to him. And she's dutifully engaged in writing that book now instead of doing her homework because she feels guilty.

Wonder Hostess

2012-01-26T11:15:00.001-08:00

Oh I Can't Have Nice Cookbooks!

2012-01-26T11:14:00.000-08:00


CANDI: What a goooooood puppy. Gooooooooood boy. LENNY: I'm going to eat one of her cookbooks after this.

Post-it From a Pusherman

2012-01-26T11:01:00.000-08:00

Since the mid 1990's "AK" strains have been increasingly popular. The Nirvana AK-48 is a strong early finishing version. Its Ice mother has ancestors of Afghani, Skunk, Northern Lights and Shiva stock. An intense selection process drawing from thousands of plants was used to find this special mother. Ice flowers are richly covered in trichomes and have a dense consistency. She has a high flower-to-leaf ratio, with buds forming along her main branches. The father is Jock Horror, a three-way hybrid that combines genetics from Northern Lights, Skunk, and Haze. The Jock Horror is a heavy resin producer and an early finisher with a unique fresh flavor and a potent upbeat buzz.

from Kind Green Buds

Tim Gunn and Morrissey Should Host a Loveline Episode for People Like Me

2012-01-25T10:15:00.000-08:00

Project Runway's Tim Gunn: "I Haven't Had Sex in 29 Years!"

For nearly three decades, Tim Gunn has been celibate.During an appearance on ABC's The Revolution Tuesday, the 58-year-old Project Runway mentor revealed that he hasn't "had sex in 29 years."
Gunn, an openly gay man, said he doesn't feel like "less of a person" because of his non-existent sex life. "I'm a perfectly fulfilled person," Gunn explained. "But it's very physiological."
The Lifetime star, who is also an expert on The Revolution, fought back tears as he explained that his former partner of six years "was impatient with my sexual performance," prompting him to become abstinent.

Gunn added that he doesn't believe sex is the most important factor in a relationship. "I'm happy to be healthy and alive, frankly," he said.

from US Weekly

Out of the Thrift Store and Into the Frying Pan

2012-01-25T10:09:00.000-08:00

Hey Candi, hey Candi, hey Candi, hey Candi.

My cake pan has a buckle! How punk rock can my kitchen get?

I found this treasure at my new favorite thrift store Green Bargain in Grover Beach. It is a fully stocked lazy-susan style spice rack for $5. I couldn't buy one of those spices for $5. And any circles I can add to my kitchen just charms me to death. If you haven't noticed all the circles in my kitchen yet, well, you should pay attention to all those circles in my kitchen!

I tried to serve Pop Tarts in a way that my best friend's Dad would approve. I've always remembered that Christy's dad, Spencer thought that Pop Tarts were an abomination of pastrydom. All I've done here is cut the crusts off and make slender fingers fanned out next to dark chocolate and marshmallow enriched hot chocolate. Take that Spencer!

When I went on a Grandma Hunt to the Green Bargain thrift store I found Dr. Ruth had left me some very good advice.

Sunset Sliver.

Well We All Need Someone We Can Dream On

2012-01-24T12:34:00.000-08:00

Candi-Filled Oscar Story

2012-01-24T12:14:00.000-08:00

Odd Reaction to Oscar Nomination

By Megan Riley Lopez, Yahoo! Contributor Network

emphasis added by Candipoet

Oscar nominations came out bright and early, and more than one announcement shocked the room on Tuesday morning. When last year's best actress nominee Jennifer Lawrence announced Brad Pitt's "Moneyball" co-star, Jonah Hill, as a nominee for Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role, a rumble could be heard throughout the room. It should not have come as a surprise to the audience, since Hill was nominated for a supporting actor Golden Globe as well, but the strange reaction was noticeable during the telecast.

Perhaps it also had something to do with the omission of Albert Brooks, who was overlooked for his "Drive" performance and didn't let the occasion go unnoticed. "And to the Academy: "You don't like me. You really don't like me," Brooks wrote on Twitter.

My hero!

A few other announcements elicited reactions from the crowd, proving this morning's list was not entirely as expected. Rooney Mara, a dark horse in the race, was nominated for best actress, which created a surprised murmur in the room (largely from journalists covering the nominations). The room also gasped at the nomination of Melissa McCarthy for best supporting actress for "Bridesmaids," perhaps since she was previously snubbed at the Golden Globes.

If I Post This Blog You Know I Got Out of the Bathroom Alive

2012-01-24T12:01:00.000-08:00

So, am I just too scared to leave the bathroom? Why am I scared? When I try to answer that question Baby Candy starts yelling, "I think I'm Going to Die!" 36-year old Candi says, "Of course your not going to die. Unless you kill yourself Baby. Are you going to kill yourself Baby Candy?" and Baby Candy starts crying and yelling, "I don't know! What if I do on accident?" 36-year old Candi is perplexed and just holds Baby Candy and tells her that it's all going to be o.k. and we can hang out in the bathroom if that feels safe to her right now. "Do you want me to brush your hair Baby Candy?"

Oh, man, I've got to get out of this bathroom.

Yep, gotta get out of the bathroom real soon.

I Ain't Going To School Today Mama

2012-01-23T09:59:00.000-08:00

Snuggie In The Kitchen

2012-01-23T09:48:00.000-08:00

How I Learned that I No Longer Fit in the Cabinets

2012-01-22T19:51:00.000-08:00

My eyes look very tired because this is me loosely re-enacting my position for the previous night's flashback. It started with me here in the only corner of the house that is safe from...well, maybe it's not safe there either. Better try something more drastic.

This is how I hurt my back. I had terror-fueled vertigo and couldn't get more invisible so after screaming like a person in a plane crash I tried to crawl into the cabinet. In the flashback I was five and I was hiding in a cabinet.

Then I spaced out and stared at things in my kitchen until they stopped making sense.

Hey Mama, this smells so good.

Mama? What are you making?

You're such a good Mama. If I had any other Mama they wouldn't be as awesome as you, Mama. Can I taste it Mama?

Maladjusted

2012-01-22T19:29:00.000-08:00

Waiting For Sugerglue

2012-01-22T09:22:00.000-08:00

Scarletta Enjoys a Good Slumber Party

2012-01-21T22:05:00.000-08:00

Sunny Take Me Away!

2012-01-21T21:50:00.000-08:00

This Is How I Look When I Write A Cook Book

2012-01-20T22:20:00.000-08:00

And I Realized that All My Heroes Cook Too...

2012-01-19T11:55:00.000-08:00

Be Careful, I Have A Zester and I Don't Know How To Use It

2012-01-18T16:36:00.000-08:00

I think I may not need this zester...

Aht Uh Mi Hed -- with a purple hat

2012-01-18T11:26:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I can't get out of my kitchen...I mean, my head, and that's when you can find me wearing my sunglasses all around my house because I'm ready to go. But I can't go. So I stay.

Big Meat in My Kitchen...if you know what I mean

2012-01-16T11:59:00.000-08:00

Um, look at this meat!

Oh, look at this meat!

Ooh, look at this meat!

Ew, look at this meat!

Clay's Horse will Be Created -- 1930's Bobbins and Beads

2012-01-16T11:53:00.000-08:00

My best friend Christy has commissioned an art doll, specifically a horse, be made from her son Clay's sweater. I just want you to know, Christy, that I am already making that horse. I found these very special accoutrements at an antique store. It's all happening my love.

Thrift Store Fun Gun and Electric Wok

2012-01-12T07:46:00.000-08:00

The thrift store was so very good to me today. A Sears Fun Gun Electric-Cookie and Canape Press for $5 and an electric wok for $7.

After studying my China cookbook and the Asian sir-fry sauce recipe on the side of my cornstarch box and the recipe on the back of my soy sauce bottle and the back of the mai fun noodle package I wrote my own recipe.

The cookbook that started it all. I found an newer print version of this cookbook at our library and checked it out for about six weeks straight and read it like a novel over and over and stared at the pictures like a little smart red-haired girl pouring over her family's encyclopedias.

Baker's Assistant shows up for work with glitter on her eyelids and gloss on her little cherry lips.

See that? It triggers a whole new era of ease and convenience in the kitchen. Awesome!

We had a snack of cornmeal shortcakes and fresh cream. Sunny added some sprinkles so it could be a Diva Dessert.

Don't worry I make her wash her hands about twenty times during the making of this recipe. But a mom can't deny this kind of happiness.

Flowers Grow in My Kitchen

2012-01-12T07:42:00.000-08:00

Mother Needs Grief Counselling: Homemade Lovebird Food Recipe by Candi

2012-01-10T09:15:00.000-08:00

Squirrely and his dinner. His bathtub is waiting at room temperature just like he likes.

Pumpkinhead is the grieving mother. Worthy of the most succulent fruits of Madagascar.

My lovebirds had a nesting box and laid six eggs which hatched and lived for six days.

The seventh day I decided after much angst and helplessness to make their food from scratch as a way to distract them from the missing babies.

Google research led me to understand that I have all the ingredients for lovebird food right here. Which is a real relief because I didn't want to go to the pet food store to get their pellets because the cashier knows that I am very excited and willing to chat at length about my six lovebird babies. But really she doesn't even have to remember for me to go ahead and have the horrible anxiety leading up to the moment when I can walk out the store door and probably trip over a cement parking block.

So I diced red bell peppers, banana, clementine oranges and sprinkled that mixture with oatmeal and almonds and sesame seeds. Pineapple for dessert which they ate first.

When they dig into the pineapple they look like they're at the third day of Woodstock.

I wish I could give her a massage with my magic balms.

I'm having a much harder time with this than my 8-year old. I think my arrested development is about age 5 and now Sunny is much more mature than me on a gut level. I still know way more Shakespeare trivia than her though.

Sunny's response when I started talking about how to help Pumpkinhead with her next batch of eggs was to yell, "that nesting box was a coffin Mama! Don't you get it?!" So, she's right. The box is gone and now their cage is so open and colorful and full of good foods that they seem to be happy eating.

Sometimes having a baby is not the answer to a mother's sadness. Sometimes a sad mother needs simple pleasures like color and flavors and a perch upon which she can rest her tired talons.

Irma's Cookbooks -- Better Than Sex

2012-01-06T15:44:00.000-08:00

Irma's Cookbook of desserts and fruit salads

This is the treasure I found today at a Catholic school thrift store called A Peak in the Attic.

Irma's Cookbook of meats and vegetables

Laura says: "after you've used the book, cut off the front cover and hang me up, so we can be together a long time."

notice the recipe for Hard Times Cake

Sock It To Me Cake

Mon's Flossies?

Banana Spice Cake with Sea Foam Frosting and Tunnel of Fudge Cake

Irma's Mother's Pasta Sauce

Tom & Jerry Batter

Beer Bread

Irma is a collage artist

Yellow Squasherole

And just when you think you really understand who Irma is she drops this "Better Than Sex Cake" recipe!

Working with a Limited Palette

2012-01-06T08:58:00.000-08:00

From about.com's Art Glossary:

Definition: When an artist deliberately restricts the number of colors they use in a painting, they're said to be using a limited palette.

I've been baking bread, croissants, cookies and casseroles in my tiny toaster oven.

One of my PTSD triggers is having a man come to my house.
I am convinced in the most irrational way that the man (AT&T guy, Dish network guys, Gas co. guy, piano tuner guy, landlord guy, electrician guy) is going to rape and kill me.

If you slapped me across the face several times and yelled at me that I should snap out of it and it's no big deal, well, that wouldn't work. I would just hate you and add you to my list of unsafe people.

My Mom use to pretend to smack my face over and over making the slapping sound effect with her mouth and then say "snap out of it!" That was suppose to be funny I guess but she didn't do it at funny times. She would do it while I was telling her that I was suicidal or something.

Anyway, our oven doesn't work, though it's beautiful and large and would bake several loaves at a time. But I cannot handle the anxiety of having the landlord come look at the oven or any of the anxiety of asking my husband to handle the landlord interaction. He'll literally ask me why I can't do it and then remind me that he works full time.

So, I am baking tiny loaves of bread in my tiny toaster oven. And that's ok right now I think. Because the bread is being baked and is coming out beautifully and I am just learning that if you want homemade french bread or white bread it will take seven hours of sustained conscious thought to make it happen. That's a long time not to be having flashbacks to being raped or whatnot.

Last night's nightmares starred Christy, Anne and a bunch of college boys and also a bunch of Nazi's. I had my puppy in my arms running around my dorm hallways trying to dodge groups of armed Nazi's. I knew which hallways not to enter and back secret stairwells to scurry around. The whole time trying to keep Lenny Bruce (my puppy) from whimpering or barking. I find the room I know Christy and Anne will be hiding and will keep me safe. But when I open the door and close it behind me I find the right room but no Christy and Anne. There are about five college boys also hiding from the Nazi's. But instead of keeping me safe they rape me. And they kill my puppy.

Then I wake up drenched and shaking and have to make lunch for my daughter and brush her hair with detangling spray and remind her to wear socks with her Hello Kitty sneakers because of the blister on her heel.

I'm really going to try to make white bread today.

I've even been considering making white bread the way my 1933 recipe book describes but adding food coloring to each little loaf so my little white breads are really green bread, red bread, yellow bread and blue bread. Maybe I'll mix up my palette even more and make pink bread and orange bread. But it's all white bread.

I won't be limited by my palette. I will be freed.

When All Else Fails Take a Bath with a Duck at Sunset

2012-01-04T09:32:00.000-08:00

Champagne Cookies with Hush Puppies in the Middle

2012-01-02T18:27:00.000-08:00

Tobin James Champagne and a turkey and cheese sandwich on yesterday's french bread.

Candi’s Champagne Cookies

Wide array of candy sprinkles

½ cup shortening

1 cup sugar

1 cup Tobin James champagne

3 cups flour

2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

4 drops red food coloring

1 drop yellow food coloring

Preheat oven to 375 degrees
Place the candy sprinkles in a thin layer in the small shallow dishes

Beat the shortening and sugar for at least 5 minutes in a mixing bowl until mixture is light and creamy. Make sure to beat it long enough to see a change in the consistency.
Pour in the champagne and mix for 1 minute on low. Mixture will be lumpy.

Mix in baking powder and stir with a spatula until it forms a smooth dough.
Stir in food coloring.

With two spoons, gather a spoonful of the dough and roll it back and forth until it just comes off the spoon.
Turn the spoon at an angle and roll the dough with the spoon in the candy sprinkles. Scrape off the dough with the other spoon onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. Continue until all dough has been rolled in sprinkles and placed on sheets about ½ inch apart. Flatten each cookie with the lightly floured bottom of a glass.

Bake for 25 mintues and let cool for 10 minutes before sliding off with a spatula.

What's on?
Sinead O'Connor   Throw Down Your Arms
The Sundays   Static & Silence
Steely Dan   Pretzel Logic
R.E.M   New Adventures in Hi-fi

I had time to listen to Nirvana's Nevermind while I whipped up some hush puppies.

Candi's Champagne Cookies

The French Bread Blues -- autobiographical food photo essay

2012-01-01T21:41:00.000-08:00

When the blues whop me up on the side of the head I bake some bread.

What are you listening to?

while the dough is rising, I work on curing my wood board

Love Letter to My Kitchen

2012-01-01T21:02:00.000-08:00

And Chocolate Cake for Dessert

2012-01-01T20:45:00.000-08:00

Candi's Great! Gives Us Chocolate Cake

Garnished with love, buttercream frosting, red vines and nonpareils

HERSHEY’S “Perfectly Chocolate” Chocolate Cake

2cups sugar

1-¾ flour

¾ cup HERSHEY’S Cocoa

1-½ teaspoon baking powder

1-½ teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

2 eggs

1 cup milk

½ cup vegetable oil [I used butter instead this time]

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 cup boiling water

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour two 9-inch round pans.

2. Combine dry ingredients in large bowl. Add eggs, milk, oil and vanilla; beat on medium speed for 2 minutes. Stir in boiling water (batter will be thin). Pour into pans.

3. Bake 30-35 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes [don’t skip this part. I had to throw away one of my cakes which is why this did not turn out to be an adorable layer cake]; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely. Frost with…

I added food coloring like a painter until I had the right pink according to Sunny then had fun with sprinkles

Cerebellum Fish With Gecko -- oil pencils by Candi

2012-01-01T20:06:00.001-08:00

Cerebellum Fish with Gecko

Mario Kristmas To You

2012-01-01T19:59:00.000-08:00

Candi blowing up the Mario Kart. Thinking about baking. Almost passing out.

Sunny left her note to Santa and the cookies and milk in the Mario Kart

Sunny even gave Santa presents as you can see. Bellybutton cookies, a Hello Kity snow angel toy, and a Zooble. I'm surprised Santa didn't just give us gift certificates to McDonald's instead of many Wii games.

I think she likes her presents. Notice rock and roll stencils and mouthfull of chocolate.

Suzie Sanders -- Art Doll made by candi

2011-12-31T08:34:00.000-08:00

Suzie Sanders is very proper and fun. I'm looking for the perfect tiny teapot or teacup to fit in her left hand.

I made the art doll above for my friend Christy because she needs a lovely friend to share some relaxation and conversation over tea. I'm in California and she's in Florida so that's not going to be me. So I'll send a proxy!

I'll post more detailed photos of Suzie Sanders very soon.